Friday, June 3, 2011

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”



Change can be a scary thing for a lot of people. For me, at this moment in my life, it is crucial! It was and still is a step that needs to continue to happen in order for me to move forward to a happier, healthier life!

For the past few months I have been on the road to recovering from disordered eating habits. Let me tell you, it has not been an easy thing to do. When I made the first steps to go to the doctor in March, it was the scariest thing I had ever done in my life. I didn't know what she was going to tell me, and I didn't know what the outcome of the visit would be. Well, it wasn't as bad as I would have thought, but I did land myself in the Hospital due to low potassium levels, a low heart rate and low blood pressure. Hearing those things was very scary for me. It was a huge wake up call, that what I was doing to my body (basically starving it) was wrong and something needed to change, and quick! It was a huge turning point in my life.

How could I have gotten so entangled in my eating disorder? I mean, I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, and have so many things blessing my life. How could I be so selfish to my darling daughter? From that moment on I decided it was time to change!

I was in the Hospital for a day and a half to get my levels back to normal, and get my body back functioning properly. I was very dehydrated, so I was pumped full of fluids as well. While in the Hospital, I had a lot of time to myself to think. My mom had my sweet Mollie which was so kind of her, but made me feel very selfish. Even though I felt like I was failing at being a mom, I knew I was taking the right steps in order to be the best mom I can be for my darling little girl. By the end of my hospital stay I was feeling so much better. I already had so much more energy and zest for life.

Before I left the Hospital I was hooked up with an amazing Nutritionist, Therapist and Dr. We scheduled follow-up appointments with all of them so my road to recovery could continue. I started out seeing all of them once a week. It has been a huge blessing to be able to have them as my support team, as well as my incredible Husband, Mom, Dad, sisters, extended family and friends. I have the greatest family in the whole world. I could not do this without them and all of their love and support.

I am not going to lie, this has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I have had good days, bad days and great days! But it has been quite the roller coaster of emotions. I was so far into this terrible disorder, that it has taken patience and time to get me to where I am today.

I still have a long way to go, but have so much determination and faith, that I know I will overcome this trial. Making these changes will change my life for the better in so many ways. I want to be the Lindie I love to be. I want to run again, play soccer and tennis, and be that active person I have always been. I want to be a better mom and role model for Mollie. I want to be a better wife, daughter, sister and friend!

Some key things I have learned the past few months are...

For the majority of my life I played competitive soccer. I thought that is what defined me as a person.. I have learned that there is so much more to me than being a great soccer player. I am a mother (best job in the world)... I am a wife to a wonderful husband who loves me for who I am inside and not my skinny self I am on the outside right now... I am a daughter to two incredible parents whom I look up in so many ways and love so so much... I am a sister to two beautiful women that I admire so much... I am a friend... I am a good cook... I am good at doing flowers for weddings and arrangements... I am an athlete... I am so much more than just a soccer player, and have so many other talents I have been blessed with.

I have learned and am putting into practice, that food is fuel. Without it, I am not the Lindie I Love to be. Food is not the enemy it is essential to my well being and man it tastes good. I deprived myself of so many things, that I had to relearn what things I like and don't like, and not classifying foods as "good" and "bad"... Moderation in all things is the key!

I have learned so many things about myself during the past few months that I could go on and on about it, but the biggest thing I have learned is that I need to love myself as much as I love my sweet little girl. I need to treat myself as good as I treat her. I need to take care of myself so I can continue to take care of Mollie. Like I said, I have a long way to go to be my healthy self, but I feel like I have grown and changed for the good in so many ways.

With that said, as much as I want to erase this whole disordered eating phase and start from the beginning again, I can't. But, I can continue to make the correct changes so that in the end I will be happier, stronger, and the Lindie I love and am striving to be.

To all of my family, Thank you so much for all your love and support these past few months. I know it has taken a lot of patience on your part, and I want you to know how much I appreciate each and every one of you and all of your prayers. I couldn't do this with out you.

Healthy, Strong and Confident Lindie! This is my goal, and I know I will get back there again!

19 comments:

Scott and Cassidy Cowley said...

Lind, I love that you wrote this post. You are amazing. We are all blessed to have you apart of our lives. I want to remember that quote. You forgot to add a few talents... your house is always decorated so cute (i made Scott take a few pics of your christmas tree), you are a leader and great party planner, and always so willing to help out with showers. Mollie is lucky to have you as a mom and Tom is a lucky guy. Love you Lind!

Em said...

Lindie! You forgot to mention all the Fagergrens that totally love, love, love you and are so proud of you! I can tell how much you love tom and molly; they are super lucky to have you. (so are the fageregrens!)

Ps...send me some of your cooking ideas, like we talked about! Emilyfyoung at gmail dot com

Jenna said...

A great post Lind!! I am so glad you are doing so well! You are amazing in so many ways! You forgot to mention your incredible talent of crafting and your great sense of style and Molly's hair always looks beautiful! It takes a very special talent to get a squirmy little girl to sit still...Pearl has only had one successful pony tail, and it lasted for 37 seconds. Then she tried to eat the rubber band. LOL! We need to get together soon-maybe a friend BBQ to celebrate summer weather freakin finally being here! Love ya lots! Talk to you soon!

Rachel said...

Love you Lindie! I hope you know that you have so many friends and family members that are praying for you and love you and your family. We all have our own battles and struggles and I appreciate you sharing something so personal because you never know who may benefit from your experiences. Thanks for your example... Tom is lucky that he found you and I am grateful you are in our family!

Emily M. said...

Lindie,
I don't know you, and you probably definitely don't know me, but I know your sister Abbie. I worked with women who had/have eating disorders- and being a woman myself, i feel for you. I think you are an amazingly strong woman! to write this out on your blog shows how brave you are, and how are really working to perfect yourself! Way to go!!! You just keep plugging along and realize that you are so beautiful! Great job and good luck! You can do it!!!! :)

-Emily Marchant

Becky said...

Lindie--
What an amazing post! We love you so much and are proud of you for working so hard. It is never easy to face our weaknesses, and we all have them. Please know that we love you and are praying for you. Love you!
Becky

hilary and morgan said...

Inspirational blog post Lindie. We love and pray for you down here in Az. My sister in law Beth has a blog that you might want to check out. If you have time head over to ellaandrory.blogspot.com. She has struggled with some similar issues and her posts also are inspiring like your was. Love you cousin!!
Hilary

Lindie said...

Thanks for all of your kind words! I love you all so much, and appreciate all your love and support!

katy said...

lindie... thank you so much for sharing this amazing post. truly, you are amazing!! i'm up for jenna's suggestion, let's get together soon! and i mean soon as in the next couple weeks! love you!!

Lauren and Eric said...

Lindie, you are incredible and I love you so much. Lets play sooooon!

Kim and Brian said...

You have been through a lot in the last few months. You are an amazing woman! Sending love from our part of the family as well!! Love you!

Angie and Dallas said...

Lindie, you are such a strong woman and example. I feel so blessed to have you as a neighbor and a friend. You really are such an amazing person. I love you!
Ang

Julia said...

Lindie! This is a truly touching post. I am so glad you commented on my blog so I could find yours and read this amazing post. I know how tough recovery can be...my sister struggled with an eating disorder and I now work with people with eating disorders at my clinic...I have never dealt with any of it on my own but I can imagine what you are going through. I am so glad you have so much support and this post just seems to exemplify how much strength and confidence you already have! I am pulling for you and know you can get through this! You and your family are absolutely adorable! Have a wonderful week!

Lisa said...

Lindie.......it is so brave of you to talk so openly about this. I have wanted to talk to you forever, but didn't want to upset you. I have been there, it has been a very long time, but I understand how it feels. My mom has been bugging me to call you too! We want you to know you can always talk to us and we love you! Admitting is the first step! We are like 10 minutes apart so really if you need anything call me!

Jamie and Lauren said...

Thanks for sharing this Lindie! Keep up all your hard work. It will be so worth it in the end! You have an awesome family as a support team!

Courtney said...

I hope you don't think I'm some creepy stalker because you have no idea who I am, but I came across your blog from a comment you left on Hungry Runner Girl's blog (the one where you wrote about the Cowboy Grub salad bar...I used to work there and I love that place too!). Come to find out after clicking on your link that I knew your hubby when he was a little kid (though I'm pretty certain he'd have no idea who I am). I actually remember jumping on the Lund's tramp all the time with my cousins who lived next door to them (I don't know if you know Nate Cannon but he's my cousin and his sister and I have been best friends since the day we were born because we grew up a few blocks from each other).

Anyway, I am sure you've had so many people telling you they know someone whose struggled with this stuff, or that they've struggled themselves, and sometimes all the advice and support can be somewhat overwhelming. But I just had to comment and let you know you are NOT alone in your struggles. I have struggled off and on with an eating disorder for so many years and though I don't claim to be completely recovered I have learned so much over the years that I wish I would've known starting out in my recovery. I can relate to so much of what you said in this post (especially basing your identity on what you "do", like playing soccer...I played competitive tennis for years and when I stopped playing in college was when my ED started to spiral out of control) and I understand just how rough the ups and downs of overcoming these issues can be. I love what you said about trying to love yourself as much as you love your little girl...I have a 2 1/2 yr old boy and a 4 month old girl and I love them so much I can't even imagine how horrible I would feel if they were to treat themselves the way that I've treated myself.

Anyway, sorry for the marathon comment and I hope you're not freaked out that some stranger is giving you advice on such a personal thing, but if you ever want to chat with someone who's been there feel free to email me (c.c.crofts@gmail.com) or you can check out my recovery blog at:

courtneysrecovery.blogspot.com

I used to write more in the past about my struggles and some of the things I've learned and I'm trying to get back to doing that again because it's really helped me.

Hang in there and know that there are even people you don't know cheering you on!

Jess said...

Wow Lindie, good post. It's a stepin the right direction. Keep it up!

Elizabeth said...

Lindie, I'm so proud of you! You are an amazing mother and wife. Keep on heading in the right direction!

Heather said...

Lind... I am so proud of you for writing this! Lets get together soon! You know you have an amazing little group of friends, and we are all here for you no matter what! Hope you know how great you are, and you truly deserve the best that life has to offer! Little Mollie is a lucky gal to have such a great mom (and don't forget it!). Lets do a girls night soon with all the kiddos...and maybe even the husbands?