Well, tonight was slightly frustrating! Tom and I played softball with our ward. Don't get me wrong, it was great being with so many awesome people and we had a good time even though we got smashed. The not so fun part was not being able to hit that dang ball.
I am a competitive person, mainly with myself. That can be a good thing, but a bad thing too. I was very frustrated with myself for not being able to hang with the rest of the team. I used to be able to play any sport and do fairly well at it, but that was not the case tonight. Ya, I could catch and throw the ball, but hitting the ball was out of the question. I felt weak, and did not feel like the athlete I have always been.
On the other hand, I guess I need to realize that I am no where near the athletic shape I used to be in when I was playing soccer everyday of my life, or running, or at that healthy weight I used to be when I actually had muscles!! Since starting my recovery from disordered eating a few months ago, this was the first real athletic event I have participated in. It was a big eye opener on where I am, but I also know that since March I have come so far. I still have a ways to go and tonight was a manifestation of that, but I know I am doing the things I need, and am taking the steps forward in the right direction.
So while tonight was very frustrating,(I ended up in tears after the game to Tom because I was so down on myself) it was good to see where I am at and where I want to be. I want to be that athletic girl I once was. I want to have the strength to play any and every sport and do pretty well at it! I don't want to feel weak, I want to feel strong and confident in all that I do. I can do this! I believe it is the frustrating things that we go through that make us strong!
So with that said, I will look at tonight as a step forward to greatness and to that Lindie I used to be!! Hope this makes sense! I needed to express myself in some way, and writing it in words always seems to help! Have a great night!
Striving to Run again and not be Weak!!